- The ceremony felt generic and disconnected. OR:
- The officiant made it all about them.
That’s why it’s important to know: there are very few times it’s actually appropriate for an officiant to say “I” in a ceremony.
In fact, there are just seven moments in the ceremony where you say “I” as the officiant — and, depending on whether there are special conditions, up to ten. If you refer to yourself more than that, you are likely distracting attention away from the couple and onto yourself. But fewer than that, and you risk coming across as stiff or impersonal.
Think of yourself as a mirror. Yes, you’re standing front and center. Yes, all eyes are on you. But your job is to reflect all that attention back onto the couple.
That’s why these moments matter. Used sparingly and intentionally, “I” helps you connect, guide, or add weight at the right times. Used too much, it shifts the focus.
With that principle in mind, here are the seven (sometimes ten) moments to use “I.”
1. A Quick Self-Introduction
In your opening remarks at the very beginning of the ceremony, you do need to introduce yourself. But keep it short.
“My name is Mark, and I’m honoured to be the officiant today.”
That’s it. Two seconds.
You don’t need to explain your credentials or your relationship to the couple (unless you’re a relative — in which case, a quick “I’m Greg’s aunt” is fine). Why did the couple choose you for this job? No need to go into it.Guests will find out when you crush the ceremony. But guests aren’t looking for your up-front story or your backstory. They just need to know you’re the officiant for the next half-hour, and then they want to move on to the ceremony and the couple.
Remember the principle: every word should serve them, not you.
Then you get on with your opening remarks, ask guests if they’re ready to get these two hitched, and cue the processional.
2. Breaking the Tension After the Processional
The processional is full of emotion. Parents escort their children. Guests tear up. The atmosphere tightens. Once the couple is in front of you, it’s helpful to release that tension and get everyone smiling again.
That’s where “I” comes in.
“They’re here, they’re perfect for each other — can I get an amen? Who’s with me?”
It’s short, lighthearted, and it pulls the guests back into that buoyancy we’re looking for. The room relaxes, the couple laughs, and you get amazing photos.
This is not about you being the comedian. It’s about restoring energy in the room so the focus stays joyful and celebratory.
3. Storytime: “I Want to Tell You a Story”
This is the heart of an unboring ceremony.
“How did these two get here today? I want to tell you a story.”
Those words are powerful. If you don’t get to this quick, some guests already start zoning out. But the second they hear “story,” they perk up. People love stories. They’ll lean in.
You then use your prep work — the love story you gathered from your questionnaire to the couple — to share how they met, fell in love, and decided to spend their lives together.
The phrase “I want to tell you a story” isn’t self-indulgent. It’s a cue that what follows is all about the couple. They dial in, because you just told them to buckle up for a narrative. And guests walk away saying, “That was the best ceremony I’ve ever been to.”
4. Reporting On Your Homework
After the love story, I always move into what the couple loves about each other — and what others love about them.
That’s when I’ll say:
“I did a little homework. I asked Sam what he loves most about Alex, and here’s what he said…”
And then I read it in the first person: “She’s my rock. She’s my light.”
Reading in first person is powerful. It lands harder than paraphrasing (“Sam said Alex is his rock”). Guests cry. The couple tears up. And the ceremony becomes deeply personal.
Then I add: “Of course, people in love will say these things. Friends and family have a more objective view. So I asked around…”
And I share those reflections too. Once again, the “I” isn’t about me — it’s about setting up a moment that shines on the couple.
5. Setting Up the Vows
Vows can be nerve-wracking for couples. As the officiant, you’re their guide.
That’s why this “I” matters:
“I’m going to ask you a question, and you may reply with ‘I do.’”
“Sam, I’m going to ask you to go first.”
Clear, simple, directive. It’s not about you at all — it’s about giving the couple confidence and clarity in the moment.
If they’ve written their own vows, I still set it up: “Sam and Alex have chosen to write their own vows. Sam, I’m going to ask you to go first.”
Instructional “I” moments like this serve the ceremony and keep the couple calm.
6. The Pronouncement
This is the one guests wait for:
“…By the authority given to me by the state, I pronounce you married.”
At this point, you’ve earned it. You’ve reflected attention, told their story, honoured their love. Now you can confidently say “I pronounce you” — and it lands with joy and authority.
This “I” isn’t about spotlighting you. It’s about giving the couple the declaration they’ve been waiting for with the authority that’s been granted you.
They kiss, everyone cheers, and you move into the signing and the closing remarks. Now it’s time for the presentation.
7. The Presentation
The grand finale: you’re presenting them to the world for the first time.
“It is my great joy and honour to present to you, for the very first time…”
This is celebratory. It’s the payoff. You’ve built the anticipation, guided the ceremony, and now you release the energy of the room. Guests cheer, cameras flash, and the couple beams.
That final “I” belongs here.
Bonus Situations
Beyond those seven, there are a few extras where “I” is not only acceptable — it’s appropriate.
Bonus 1: Rituals and Special Elements
If you’re leading a unity ritual like a handfasting, sand ceremony, or candle lighting, you may need to say:
“I’m going to lay this cord over your hands.”
“I’m going to invite you to pour the sand now.”
As with vows, these instructions are clear and helpful and you want to be explicit about what you’re doing and what it means. Again, they keep the couple comfortable and the ceremony flowing.
Bonus 2: Parents and Family Officiants
If you’re officiating for your own child (or a close relative), guests expect to hear your reflection.
“As Alex’s dad, I couldn’t be prouder of who she’s become and the person she’s chosen to marry.”
Keep it short, heartfelt, and dignified. But don’t skip it. You couple and their guests will be waiting to hear it from you because you’re such an important figure in the couple’s lives. And if it’s absent, it’ll raise eyebrows.
Your reflection about the couple goes best in your officiant speech after the section where you read what everyone loves about the couple.
Bonus 3: A Touch of Humour
A little self-deprecation — sparingly used — can be funny and endearing. If you’re very close to the couple.
“She told her friend he’s a tall drink of water — a phrase I never once recall being used to describe me in those days!” if you were all roommates and you knew the couple before they started dating, for example.
It works because it’s at your own expense, never at the couple’s. Used once or twice, it gets guests laughing without stealing the show.
And we’re not talking about inside jokes! We’re talking about well-timed humour that everyone in the room would find funny. You deploy these to elevate the couple and make them look and feel even better about themselves. Use sparingly — like salt and pepper on a dish.
The Principle: Reflect, Don’t Absorb
Every one of these moments comes back to a single principle: reflect attention back onto the couple.
Yes, you’ll say “I” sometimes. Yes, you’re the one speaking. But the spotlight is never yours to keep. It belongs to them.
Quick Recap: The 7 (Sometimes 10) “I” Moments
Here’s the cheat sheet to keep handy:
- A Quick Self-Introduction – “My name is…”
- Breaking the Tension – “Can I get an amen?”
- Storytime – “I want to tell you a story.”
- Reporting Homework – “I did a little homework and asked…”
- Setting Up the Vows – “I’m going to ask you a question…”
- The Pronouncement – “I pronounce you married.”
- The Presentation – “It is my great joy and honour…”
Bonus:
- Ritual instructions (“I’m going to lay this cord…”)
- Parents and family reflections (“As Alex’s dad, I…”)
- A touch of tasteful humour (“He’s the kind of guy who stops traffic. Not all of us can relate.”)
Stay within these, and you’ll always strike the right balance of presence without overshadowing the couple.
Want to Learn More?
- If you’re officiating your first wedding ever, or you’re a pro who wants to up your game, check out Unboring!Wedding Academy. It’s the foolproof style and system thousands of officiants around the world are using to rave reviews.
- If you want to organize and automate your ceremonies without the chaos of copy-paste and endless emails, my new officiant software Officiantly does exactly that. Plus, it’s pre-loaded with the ceremony script template that includes just seven “I”s.
Final Word: There are seven — sometimes ten — moments when “I” belongs in a wedding ceremony. Use them wisely, and you’ll keep yourself present enough to connect while always reflecting the spotlight right back onto the couple.
