You can write a fantastic wedding ceremony, rehearse it carefully, arrive prepared, and still find yourself standing at the front of the room waiting for somebody across the venue to press play on the music. That somebody might be an experienced wedding DJ with hundreds of ceremonies behind them, or it might be the bride’s cousin with an iPhone plugged into a speaker.
Either way, you two need to work together. The DJ or music person is one of the vendors a wedding officiant depends on most during the ceremony because they often control two things that can dramatically affect the experience: the music and the microphones.
When everything works, nobody really notices. The processional music starts at exactly the right moment, the volume drops when somebody needs to speak, the signing song comes in after the kiss, and the recessional song hits as soon as you present the newly married couple.
It all feels effortless, which is exactly what you want. When those things don’t happen, everybody notices, and that’s why I don’t leave ceremony music cues to chance.
Start Talking About the DJ With Your Couple
My coordination with the DJ actually begins long before I meet the DJ. It starts during the Wedding Workshop, the ceremony planning session I hold with my couple about four to six weeks before the wedding.
One of the things I want to know is simply who is responsible for the music. Sometimes it’s a professional DJ, sometimes the venue handles the sound equipment, sometimes there’s live music, and sometimes there’s a friend who has agreed to run a playlist from a phone.
I also want to know whether the same person is handling the microphones. Those jobs often fall to the DJ, but not always, so I want to know who is responsible for what before the wedding day.
If the couple doesn’t know all the answers yet, that’s okay. We flag those details for confirmation so that we don’t arrive at the wedding and discover that everybody thought somebody else was bringing the microphone or cueing the processional music.
Put the Music Cues in the Ceremony Script
I say this all the time: a wedding ceremony script that only contains the officiant’s words is only half finished. The other half is the stage directions.
Who walks where? Who has the rings? Who is holding the flowers? When does somebody stand or sit? And, very importantly, when does the music start, stop, fade down or change?
I put those cues directly into the script. Instead of simply writing “Processional,” I want something much more specific:
DJ starts processional song: “A Thousand Years.”
Then, if one partner has chosen a separate entrance song:
DJ starts Quinn’s entrance song: “From This Moment.”
Later in the script, I might have:
DJ fades music when Quinn and Billy are standing together at the front.
That level of detail helps me, but it also gives me something concrete to show the DJ when I arrive. I’m not walking up and saying, “Okay, just kind of watch me and you’ll know when to start the music.”
I can literally point at the script and say, “Here’s what I’m going to do. Here’s what I’m going to say. This is your cue.”
Don’t Forget the Music Before the Ceremony
One of the easiest pieces to overlook is what happens before the ceremony even starts. I like music playing while guests arrive because it helps establish the atmosphere before I ever stand up and say a word.
Sometimes I arrive and the DJ is still setting up while guests are already taking their seats in complete silence. If we’ve planned for prelude music, I’ll walk over and ask when we’re getting it started.
I also encourage couples to think about what that music should actually sound like. There seems to be a default in some corners of the wedding world that pre-ceremony music should be very formal string or classical music because it sounds “wedding-ish.”
But if your couple is getting married in a barn, everybody is wearing suspenders, guests are arriving with beers in their hands, and the couple loves country music, maybe eighteenth-century Baroque strings aren’t quite setting the right tone. The music should feel like their wedding.
Fade the Music Before the Opening Remarks
This is one cue I’m very explicit about. When I take the front and everybody is in position, I want the pre-ceremony music faded completely out before I begin my opening remarks.
I don’t want background music underneath me because part of my opening is about engaging the guests and raising the energy in the room. I might say:
Good afternoon, everyone!
And if I don’t get much back:
Come on, friends and family. This is a celebration. Good afternoon, everyone!
Then I might ask:
Are you ready for Billy and Quinn to get married?
Everybody cheers, and that moment does not improve with sad cello music playing underneath it. I learned that one the hard way, so now I tell the DJ ahead of time that once everybody is in position, I want the music completely gone.
Give the DJ a Clear Processional Cue
When my opening remarks are finished, I don’t want the DJ guessing whether I’m done. I give them a verbal cue and, whenever possible, a physical one too.
For example:
Shall we get to it? Let’s begin.
Then I give the DJ a nod and the music starts. This works whether I’m dealing with a professional who has done hundreds of weddings or somebody operating Spotify on an iPhone because the cue is unmistakable.
I’ve also already walked through what happens next. Does the entire wedding party enter to one song? Does the music change for one partner’s entrance? Am I announcing “Please stand” before the new song starts or after it begins?
Those details sound small until everybody is standing there waiting. Then they suddenly feel enormous.
Think About What Happens When the Couple Reaches the Front
This is another place where DJs sometimes fade the music too early. Imagine one partner walks down the aisle with a parent, reaches the front row, shares a handshake and a hug, moves toward their partner, hands off the flowers, and finally gets into position.
That can take a little time. If there is no spoken question at the front, I usually want the music to continue underneath all of that movement.
Otherwise, the room suddenly goes silent and you hear every shoe squeak, every chair move and every throat clear. Let the music keep carrying the moment until the couple is actually in position.
If I’m asking a parent something like:
Do you give your blessing and support to Quinn and Billy in their marriage?
then I ask the DJ to fade the music low for the question. The parent answers, and then the DJ can bring the music back up while the hugs and handoffs happen.
Once the couple is standing together in front of me and ready to begin, the music fades completely. That gives us a clean transition from the entrance into the ceremony itself. I’ve written more about the different ways to handle what happens when a partner and their escort reach the front, including the option of letting the whole thing happen seamlessly to music.
Confirm Any Microphones You’ll Need
The DJ conversation also includes microphones if they are responsible for the sound system. I won’t go deeply into microphones here because that deserves its own discussion, but I want to confirm the basics before we begin.
Do I have the microphone we planned? Is there a second handheld microphone if the couple is reading personal vows? Is there a microphone ready for a reader? If there’s a mute switch, how does it work, and who is controlling the volume?
I want to know those things before we reach the vows and suddenly discover there isn’t another microphone. The wedding day is not the time to start inventing the audio plan.
Cue the Signing Music After the Kiss
If the couple is signing their marriage documents during the ceremony, this is another cue I walk through carefully. I pronounce the couple married, they kiss, everybody cheers, and the DJ needs to know what happens next.
I often like the signing music to start right around the kiss or immediately afterward. Then I can say something like:
We’re going to go sign a few papers and make this official. Keep your seats, friends. We’ll be right back.
The music is already helping carry us into that next part of the ceremony. Again, it should be music the couple actually likes, and I tend to recommend something upbeat because we’ve just had a kiss and a huge cheer.
This is not the moment I’m looking to drain all of that energy out of the room. The signing music should help keep the celebration moving.
Fade the Signing Music Before the Closing Remarks
When we finish signing and return to the front, the couple faces their guests and I give my closing remarks. Just like the opening remarks, I want those spoken with no music underneath.
So this cue is also written directly into the script:
DJ fades signing music.
I wait until the music is gone and then give the guests whatever instructions they need for what happens after the ceremony. Where is cocktail hour? Are the couple heading away for photographs? When does the reception begin?
Once those announcements are finished, I start building toward the Grand Finale. That brings us to one of the most important cues of the entire ceremony.
The Recessional Cue Needs to Be Immediate
During my closing remarks, I want the DJ ready with their finger on the button and the recessional song cued. Once I get everybody standing and say:
Friends and family, it is my honour to present to you for the very first time, Billy and Quinn!
I want that song to hit immediately.
Everybody cheers, the music comes in strong and the couple heads up the aisle. There should be nothing left for me to say after that.
If your last words are the couple’s names, followed immediately by the music, the ceremony ends on a huge celebratory high. If you present the couple and then everybody stands there for four seconds wondering why nothing is happening, you can feel that energy leak out of the room.
The DJ can make that moment fantastic, so give them what they need to succeed.
Find the DJ as Soon as You Arrive
I normally arrive at the wedding about 45 minutes early, and one of the first people I find is the DJ. Even when it’s someone I’ve worked with many times, I still check in.
If it’s somebody new, I introduce myself and go through the ceremony cues with them. I literally show them the script.
I point out when the prelude music fades, what I’ll say to start the processional, whether there’s a song change, when music should stay up or fade low, when the signing song begins, when it fades, and exactly what words cue the recessional.
This usually takes only a few minutes. Then I do something else that has saved me more than once: I go through it again.
The second pass isn’t nearly as detailed. I might simply say, “Okay, quick recap. You fade here. I say this and you start the processional. We change songs here. Signing music after the kiss. Fade before closing remarks. When I present them, hit the recessional hard.”
I’ve discovered misunderstandings during that second pass that I thought we had already cleared up on the first one. Five extra minutes of communication is worth it.
Don’t Expect the DJ at the Rehearsal
In my experience, the DJ usually isn’t at the wedding rehearsal. Sometimes they are, especially if the music person is a friend or family member who is already there, but professional DJs usually aren’t.
That’s completely fine because you don’t need the actual music to rehearse the ceremony. I’ll simply say, “Music starts here,” and have people begin walking.
If somebody wants to play the song from their phone while we practice, great, as long as it doesn’t slow everything down. The important thing is that the ceremony movements are rehearsed and the music cues are already written down for the conversation I’m going to have with the DJ on the wedding day.
When Something Goes Wrong, Stay in Command
None of this guarantees a perfect ceremony. I’ve had music start incorrectly, microphone problems appear out of nowhere, and I once had a DJ somehow play music backwards.
Wedding ceremonies happen live, so things happen. The point of preparation isn’t to guarantee that nothing weird will ever occur.
The point is to reduce the number of things that can go wrong and make sure that, when something does happen, you’re not completely surprised by it. If you have to stop for a technical issue, stop and deal with it.
If the microphone is creating a distraction, fix it or get rid of it. If the music doesn’t start, don’t stand there pretending nothing is wrong while everybody waits.
Stay calm, say what’s happening if you need to, and keep the ceremony moving. Being prepared gives you a much better chance of handling whatever comes your way without losing the room.
Help the DJ Make You Look Good
When the ceremony is over, I go back to the DJ. If they nailed everything, I make a point of telling them.
I might say, “You hit every cue. You made me look good. You made me sound good. Thank you.” I mean it, because a huge part of what I’m doing at the front depends on somebody else doing their job well behind the scenes.
This works both ways. The DJ doesn’t want to guess what I’m doing, and I don’t want to guess what the DJ is doing.
We both want the ceremony to feel effortless for the couple and their guests, and that comes down to preparation, organization and communication. Those kinds of experiences are also how strong relationships with other wedding vendors start to grow.
Start with your couple and figure out who is responsible for the music and sound, then put the cues directly into your ceremony script and get any outstanding details confirmed. On the wedding day, show up early, find the DJ and walk through the cues together.
Then take another minute to run through them one more time so you both know exactly what is supposed to happen. After that, take your place at the front, give them the nod, and trust that you’ve both done the work.
When it all comes together, nobody in the room will be thinking about the DJ or the officiant trying to coordinate the music. They’ll just experience a ceremony that feels smooth and perfect for the couple they love.
